In God She Trusts

Archive for April 2011

    At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”  He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
–Matthew 18:1-3

A few days ago, I did something I haven’t done since middle school and it opened my eyes to see just how tired and boring I’ve become–I visited Knott’s with my brother.

Back in the day the thought of going to Knott’s or any theme park would be the highlight of my entire week.  When I was finally there, it always seemed like TIME had no existence.  So many rides to conquer and such a big world to discover.  Excitement filled every second of the day until the very end of the trip when all of a sudden, out of nowhere, it was time to go home.  The end came so quick because “time flies when you’re having fun.”

Things have changed a lot since then.  I’ve been to Knott’s several times, so time did NOT fly while waiting in the lengthy lines for the rides.  The heat was uncomfortable and I was sweating my energy away. In the past, I would’ve stayed the whole day at Knott’s, but this time around, I was falling asleep after only being there for a few hours. I kept thinking about food or checking my phone to read emails, texts, or even Twitter.  Whomp!  Don’t get me wrong, I had a lot of fun with my brother.  I love spending time with him, but I wish I could’ve enjoyed Knott’s like it was brand new all over again.

This is when I realized how “old” I’ve become.  At the very end of the trip, I was all Knott’sed out, walking up the hill to the parking lot.  Two little boys ran past me… laughing, racing, not because their parents were rushing them to get to their cars, but simply cuz the act of running and racing was fun to them.  There I was, just dragging along, while these kids were so full of life and happiness… sober.  It was in hearing their laughter that reminded me that pure and innocent fun prevailed in my life once, and I mean before the pressures of life and work, before the need of booze to relax, before the need of caffeine for energy, and before all of the crazy, intoxicating parties for fun.

When I was a kid, I didn’t need the help of any substance to give me what I needed–even to be creative.  If I wanted to play, I’d play.  If I wanted to dance or be silly, I’d dance and be silly.  If I had some kind of outrageous idea formed out of imagination, I’d just go with it and I didn’t need anyone’s approval.  It was that easy!  So, to bring up another thought, it’s really a sad thing that we grow up to be so uptight and insecure.  It’s unfortunate that people can fall into dependences and addictions when as children we naturally had whatever we needed for ENERGY or FUN or CREATIVITY without needing to take anything.  It’s amazing how much our experiences in life really mess with our creative energy… our sense of willpower.. or our fears.. and our attitudes.

It’s funny how the world seems so much bigger when we’re younger, and you only realize that truth once you’ve grown up and take a look back.  It’s like when you visit your old 1st grade classroom and you tower over the teeny-tiny chairs and desks you used to sit in.  I hope that in reflecting on my own past and youth, I can remind myself what it means to live truly in the moment… that even as my body is growing older and breaking down, my spirit grows stronger with all of the new things to learn everyday.  I pray to be wholly thankful and content with all of the things He’s already provided me and to remember the divine power of purity.

in God we trust
<33 apes x essence

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