In God She Trusts

Archive for February 2011

the biggest mistake we could make is to think we’re ALIVE when we’re really ASLEEP in life’s waiting room

A few days ago, I was involved in a car accident that forced me to face my dreadful fear of death. Cheryl Koo, Asaki Imai, and I were driving on the freeway from snowy desert mountains (Vegas to Bakersfield) on a road trip for The Other Duck.  I knew this experience would be eventful–3 friends, 10 days, and 4 states, but I never thought it’d be life threatening.

At the point that our car suddenly skid on the ice, my body was shot with the biggest sense of fear I’ve ever felt.  We were in the middle of two white, snow-covered mountains on a wet, black road.  We skid violently from side to side, then spun around on the icy freeway, bumped the side of the mountain maybe two times before we finally crashed and stopped.  Damage to the car looked minor–we messed up a wheel completely. The frame must’ve been messed up cuz my door wouldn’t open.  The car became undriveable… But we were alive.  Thank God there weren’t any cars close by. Thank God our SUV didn’t hit the center divider while we were spinning wildly out of control.  We could’ve been hit in any direction by oncoming traffic. We could’ve tipped over or ended up on the other side of the freeway.  Thank God we were alright.

Having felt what could’ve possibly been the last emotion I would EVER feel.. That fear of death at such close proximity made me realize the shortness and quite ‘smallness’ of human life.  Shortness, because as everything literally flashed before my eyes, all I wanted was “tomorrow.”  I thought about how much I STILL wanted to do… How many dreams and goals I have yet to set in motion and accomplish.. How much I’ve regretfully NOT accomplished in His name… my family, my friends… And in one brushing moment like a car accident, all of those hopes and dreams would be gone.  I say ‘smallness’ of human life, because at the point our car was skidding, control was COMPLETELY out of my OWN hands and my will to live was relatively nothing in comparison to the existence of the entire universe who would change nothing about itself to help me survive.  We were helpless.  I had no control of the outcome no matter what I did–no pause button to stop the car from spinning or to stop others from hitting us… No rewind button to avoid the situation.  The fate of our lives rested on something bigger than myself… physical forces, nature… God’s plan.  Life seemed so small, because I would have lived only 25 years, but everything else will live for generations.  I would have only been a speck in time… And what have I done?  Who have I served?  Have I served enough?  What message would I have left behind to others and the ones I love?  God would judge me, and would my life have been enough?

Through this, God’s called out to me in the loudest possible way.  Though frightening, this experience has reminded me of his divine presence around me.  I’m thankful for another day and another chance to do what I’ve been put here to do for Him, and I hope that in the future I would be more prepared to face my Father… To live more… To serve and trust more… To just know Him more before I have to answer to Him face to face.

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
1 Corinthians 13:13

Love God.
Love others as you love yourself.

I now acknowledge my biggest fear through this experience.  Bottom line:  I hope and pray for God’s blessing.  I thank Him for everything.

in God we trust
<33 apes x essence


PROVERBS 31:10-31

You don't know me yet... but you will. - BZ



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