In God She Trusts

Archive for July 2010

Oh, are you sure…
Where is the passion in this living
Are you sure it’s God you’re serving
Obligated to a system
Getting less then you’re deserving
Who made up these schools, I say
Who made up these rules, I say
Animal conditioning
Oh, just to keep us as a slave

Oh, just get out
Of this social purgatory
Just get out
All these traditions are alive
Just get out
Superstition killing freedom
Knowin’ my condition
Is the reason I must die
Just get out

Let’s get out
Knowin’ my condition
Is the reason I must die
Just get out
– Lauryn Hill

KNOWING MY CONDITION IS THE REASON I MUST DIE.

I think scripture says that when you receive God into your life, you are born anew, and the old you dies. You then no longer serve yourself, but you submit your new being to God.. to his will.. to his plans. The old you is dead, and the new you becomes a servant to his ultimate plan for mankind.

I feel that in this point in my life, I’m experiencing a lot of unexpected roadblocks along my path. This phase has caused me to be vulnerable and has forced me in a position to fall, and call out to Him for guidance.

Through this desperate time, I’ve been questioning the direction I’ve taken in life… whether it’s a direction I’ve taken to selfishly please MYSELF or if it’s a direction that the newlyborn me is taking to ultimately serve His purpose.

Recently, there’s been an inner restlessness in me. It’s almost unbearable sometimes. It’s that sinful nature, I guess–to clearly see the target, but intentionally shoot in the other direction. I don’t expect most people to easily understand this type of struggle. There aren’t many people near me who I can share this type of frustration with. It’s a very difficult thing to try to explain.

In the end, what’ll make me fully happy is to know that I’m just making the right choices–not for myself… I want nothing for myself… but for Him. It won’t matter how much I own, what I have to eat, or wear… just as long as His will is done, and I’m in the right place, doing what pleases Him. Ya… I would feel completely happy knowing that He is happy with me.

Praying…

in God we trust
<33 apes x essence

These past couple of months have been difficult.  It’s been a crazy experience, forcing me to painfully bend in humility, then reevaluate certain important values in my life.

After pride comes the fall.

Through the struggle, it’s been a blessing in disguise for me to realize things within myself that need change.

Life has it’s ups and downs… and I forget to count my blessings sometimes.  I was painfully reminded of where to keep my focus, but ultimately, I’m thankful for His revelation.  I trust that this year will continue to bring me much happiness through faith.

in God we trust
<33 apes x essence


PROVERBS 31:10-31

You don't know me yet... but you will. - BZ

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